is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
