We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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