Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
