The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
