We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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