Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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