Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
