ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
