I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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