my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
