I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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