yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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