I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
