I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
