tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
