even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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