dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
