He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
