life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
