Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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