but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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