I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
