Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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