Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
