OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
