Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
