Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense

Fav 23 2172 5879
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(502): View more from Kentucky

Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?

Fav 15 2180 960
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(281): View more from Texas

I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.

Fav 13 3396 1144
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(586): View more from Michigan

so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.

Fav 27 5576 2320
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(248): View more from Michigan

They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.

Fav 12 4123 1129
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans

Fav 5 1333 662
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(206): View more from Washington

At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .

Fav 1 650 952
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(310): View more from California

Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?

(1-310): View more from California

.... Things I will not be proud of

Fav 0 86 7
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(702): View more from Nevada

If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money

Fav 0 36 32
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