why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
