she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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