she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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