My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
