I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
