you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
