Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
