I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
