if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
