I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
