You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
