When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
