Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
