spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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