3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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