I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
