I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
love makes seman taste better
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
