I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
