So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
