You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
