He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
