Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
