just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
