Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
