Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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